Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.
Why go to sleep because he was bossy?
we should live by this
What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?
An edgelord.
"Police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
I had power.
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?
The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.
I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
Suicide is population control, republished.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Murder: Wanna play a game?
Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)
Gaming with the gaming controller.
