Control jokes
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
What do you call a bird orgy?
No bird control.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
What is a female gamer's favorite part of the controller?
The joystick.
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?
One's a superhero, one's a command.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.
What's a rapist's fav position?
Missionary in a dark corner.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
9/11 and Jenga are the same.
It's a controlled demolition.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con… OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.