*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say 'Thank God' and to stop the horse, to say ' Hallelujah'. The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled hallelujah and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said 'Thank God".
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down Syndrome!”
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores." Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER."
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" ? First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander: "The canons be ready Captain!" "Are" says the Captain (correcting their grammar) "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed !!
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello please divert to 5°East to avoid collision. Thank you." The commander starts answering: "No you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!" "Sorry sir You are the one who should divert to 5°East! Over! "Listen to me you asshole! We are the USS Washington and we have an entire fleet at our disposal and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!" After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again: "In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
46. I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
52. What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
54. What is the difference between Iron man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
Riddles not jokes
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
and last one
What can rule, but not command?
Tell meh the answers in the comments
like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
1 more thing: DoN"t google it or search it up, use ur brain to answer these.
The last thing I said to my dog was Play dead
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets. This being the case, he ought to produce, direct and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad.” 👌 😉
Simba was walking too slow so i told him to mufsa
