Construction jokes
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
What goes up and down and does not move?
Stairs.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
Why didn’t the toilet cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack!
Memes
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
What do Mexicans call a wall? A ladder.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
That dam looks damn cool!
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.
There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?
Home Depot.
Don't be racist, I am a building.
Twin Towers: fucked.
It was fake.
BE RACIST.
This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
The Titanic movie cost $200 million dollars to make, meanwhile the Titanic ship cost $400 million to construct.
Titanic was made by Paramount and 20th Century Fox. CHEAPSKATES!
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
I said to the fish, "I have dam."
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.