Consequence jokes
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits, she makes a 7.4 earthquake.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
Yo mama so fat, she stepped on earth and the earth cracked.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.