Computer jokes
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A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
What is ioooooooo?
I made a website for orphans.
There’s no homepage.
What is missing when an orphan buys a laptop?
The home screen.
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.
Fucking Windows updates!
Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.
Don't touch my bot.
Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.