Computer jokes

"Warning, all unsaved progress will be lost." - Sun Tzu, The Art Of War.

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What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?

"Windows shut down sound."

How is Stephen Hawking dead?

His Windows shit down.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

What did I do with the internet?

What's the code thing on Minecraft that decides the world generation?

Seed?

Seedeeznuts!

Where does Stephen Hawking get his computer fixed?

At PC World.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O

Goats are so lazy these days. Computers have more RAM.

Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?

Microsoft.

Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?

Because they have a break down.

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Why do people say "cheese" in a camera?

Because they were using the computer.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He didn't have enough room for any more RAM on his motherboard. I feel so bad for saying that!

"Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a computer screen, and then they can see the government has to get Chili's."