Comparison jokes

What does an apple and a gay person have in common?

Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.

You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.

What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One of them is wanted.

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so ugly that no one likes you.

Your butt is bigger than Uranus!

Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"

What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

Usain Bolt can finish a race.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.

Your mum is so ugly she could make an onion cry.

Your leg is straighter than James Charles.

Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.

Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.

Your hairline is so curvy now, Ice Spice has competition!

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.