Comparison jokes
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?
One of them is wanted.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so ugly that no one likes you.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.
Your butt is bigger than Uranus!
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.