Comparison jokes
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.
What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?
One of them is wanted.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so ugly that no one likes you.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Your butt is bigger than Uranus!
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Why are emos jealous of light?
The lights are hanging.
Your hairline is like Quandel Dingle, it's so goofy!
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.