Comparison jokes

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A saltshaker.

Your butt is bigger than Uranus!

What number is better; 46 or 47?

I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.

What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?

One has water; the other one doesn’t.

What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.

Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.

Why are emos jealous of light?

The lights are hanging.

Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.

Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?

A: They're both cheesy.

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

What's the difference between babies and onions?

You don't cry cutting up babies.

Your forehead is so big it makes Megamind's head look small.

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.