Comparison jokes
Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.
Your hairline is so curvy now, Ice Spice has competition!
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"
What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?
"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."
I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.
How are genders and the Twin Towers alike?
There was 2, now it's a sensitive subject.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?
An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?
A: They're both cheesy.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
Your forehead is so big it makes Megamind's head look small.
What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.
Q: What are women better than men at doing?
A: Winning arguments.
Q: What are men better than women at doing?
A: Winning swimming titles.
Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.