Comparison jokes
Roses are red, Tomatoes are redder. I think we both know, I like you better.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.