Comparison jokes
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.
Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?
A: They're both cheesy.
Your forehead is so big it makes Megamind's head look small.
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?
An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.
What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.
Q: What are women better than men at doing?
A: Winning arguments.
Q: What are men better than women at doing?
A: Winning swimming titles.
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.