Comparison jokes
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
Your hairline is so far back, it makes the Giant from Clash of Clans jealous!
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
My sister said she was as fat as a coconut, so I threw one at her and she was right.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
What's the difference between a rock and a woman?
The flat ones get skipped.
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
What do you get when you cross a cow and the Kool-Aid Man? Donald Trump, cuz of his red face and juicy tits.
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.