Comparison jokes

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"

Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.

Q: What are women better than men at doing?

A: Winning arguments.

Q: What are men better than women at doing?

A: Winning swimming titles.

What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?

The rope would catch her.

Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?

A: They're both cheesy.

Your forehead is so big it makes Megamind's head look small.

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?

I personally think cereal is not nutritious.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!

What's the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?

Harry made it out of the chamber.