Comparison jokes

What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.

What's the difference between babies and onions?

You don't cry cutting up babies.

Why are emos jealous of light?

The lights are hanging.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.

Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.

What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.

Your hairline is like Quandel Dingle, it's so goofy!

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.

Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.