Comparison jokes
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
What's longer than a penis?
About anything.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon an old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad, shaking his head. He walked up to the old farmer and asked him what's wrong. The old farmer said, "My mule, he just won't do nothing. He don't work anymore, always looking sad, barely eats, just sad." Little Johnny said, "Can I go talk to him?" "Sure," the old farmer said, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went back in the barn, saw the mule just sad, and sighing. A few minutes later, Little Johnny came out and said, "Your mule is fixed." The old farmer ran in, and saw the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing. "Thank you, thank you," the old farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way. Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon the old farmer again, looking sad. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny asked. "It's my mule again. Ever since you talked to him, he won't do nothing, he won't work, just laughing all day. What did you say?" "Can I go in and talk to him again?" Little Johnny asked. "Sure," said the old farmer, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. "Your mule is fixed, sir." The old farmer went in and saw the mule crying, crying really hard. The old farmer came running out of the barn, "Hey boy! What did you say to my mule? One day he's sad, then laughing, now he's crying. Just what did you say to my mule?" Little Johnny smiled and answered, "Well, the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his; this time I showed it to him."