Comedy jokes
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
Helen Keller walked into a bar.
Then a table.
Then a chair.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.
Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
It's only rape.
If she finds out.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
What's the best thing about abortion jokes? They never get old.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.