Comedy

Comedy jokes

Skeleton

Here are some skeleton jokes.

You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.

If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.

I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.

I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.

I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!

I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.

I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.

Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!

Wish

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

Drunk

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

  • 6

    • Head

    What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed

    Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

    Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet

    Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)

    Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)

    Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!

    Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!

    Asylum

    Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.

    Bread

    What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?

    They become in-bread.

    Leprechaun

    Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

    Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

    Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

    Fatty

    Fatty and Skinny sitting in a bed.

    Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

    Wheel

    Why is the wheel the best invention?

    Because it's wheely wheely great!

    Dinosaur

    1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

    A dino-snore!

    2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

    A rocket chip!

    3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

    Because she was stuffed!

    4. What has ears but cannot hear?

    A cornfield!

    5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

    Between us, something smells!

    Cunt

    Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

    "Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

    "I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

    Shooting

    Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃