Comedy jokes
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).
My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).
Cunt.
Lol, dick, I'm the dick and duck.
your mom
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “Dos, 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10.”
Want to hear a joke?
Your face.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.