Comedy jokes

I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8

Man, all these jokes suck. They're horri-puning.

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.

Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.

What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!

My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...

"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"

Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.

*Takes huge bite of air.*

Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.

So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”

Papyrus: You are so lazy, Sans!

Sans: Call me what you want. I got THICK SKIN!

Papyrus: Another bad joke and I'm finished with him!!

Frisk: HAHAHA

Papyrus: We are monsters. The awfulest kind!

Sans: To mess with us takes a lot of SPINE!!!

Sans: Zzzzzzzz.

Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it, dude?

Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.

What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!

Oh Sans, you're such a bonehead! Sorry if that joke was jaw-breaking! LOL.

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."