Comedy jokes
Tyler
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
What do you call a fantastic goat?
Goatastic! So funny please like.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What is the highest number?
420.
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
These gags are killing me!
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.