Comedy jokes
What do you call a fantastic goat?
Goatastic! So funny please like.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What is the highest number?
420.
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
These gags are killing me!
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."