Comedy jokes
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What is the highest number?
420.
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
These gags are killing me!
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
There's 3 things I hate.
1. Jokes
2. Lists
3. Irony.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Wow, why so many of the same joke?
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.