Come jokes

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.

What goes in dry and comes out wet?

A dick.

Chuck Norris doesn’t go to heaven; Heaven comes to Chuck Norris. RIP.

Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?

Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.

By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, Cause comes near my Willy.

First human comes.

Sans: That was pun intended.

What goes in small and soft?

And comes out big and hard?

A tea bag.

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

What do you call a gay dwarf?

Coming out of the cupboard.

Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?

A: They come back, unlike their parents.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Their dad did not come back with the milk.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"