Come jokes

Watersharky Music Productions Presents As It Was by Harry Styles.

Holdin' me back Gravity's holdin' me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that?

Nothin' to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

Answer the phone "Harry, you're no good alone Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?"

Ringin' the bell And nobody's coming to help Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well, oh-oh-oh

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

Go home, get ahead, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doin' it first.

Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”

Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”

What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?

(Insulin)

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

Three gay men enter a bar in Iran. They don't come out.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.

"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

Australia needs YOUR help!

ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!