Come jokes
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Here comes the airplane.
9/11 happens the next day.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Memes
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."
What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.