Come jokes

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.

Why are most vacuums gay?

They’re always coming out of the closet.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

Here comes the airplane.

9/11 happens the next day.

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.

Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."

Why do orphans have gross cakes?

Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

There's a blind hooker in town.

She never sees anyone coming.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."