Come jokes
Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.
Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, All the worse jokes come from you.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball? Because he did nazi it coming!
Why can't orphans eat chips?
Because they come in family size.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Where does cotton candy come from? The cotton pickers!
Michael J. Fox goes in to get a haircut. He comes out missing an ear.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Say, Aiden, are you and Gwen dating? Oooo, you and her sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G., then comes the romance, then comes engagement, then comes the wedding, and then the baby! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Then comes cheating and arguments, and then D.I.V.O.R.C.E.!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aiden + Gwen = Husband and wife! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Girlfriend and boyfriend!!!!!!!!
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
What say the child to the man? Shalom.
Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"
Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"
Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."
Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Groupings.
Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Schedule.pdf
Dear Grad Parents, Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear. There will be more information to follow in the coming days. Thank you.
(Shared from the "Wolves E-genda" app.)
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What do you call a stick that comes back a chicken?
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."