Come jokes

There's a blind hooker in town.

She never sees anyone coming.

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.

Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?