Come jokes

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

There's a blind hooker in town.

She never sees anyone coming.

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

Here comes the airplane.

9/11 happens the next day.

Why do orphans have gross cakes?

Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.

Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."

How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.