Come jokes
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
Hey, you might want to look at your butt because there's something coming out of Uranus.
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
Why do orphans play with boomerangs?
Because they come back.
You are god if you can do any of these
Wanna come hang out with me?
Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
EVERYONE:
"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.
Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.
That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!
Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming!
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"