My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Come Jokes
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
Why can’t Michael Jackson win a race?
Because he’s always coming in a lil’ behind.
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."
If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Huh what you say?
Come fight me, suck a dick.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
EVERYONE:
"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
What is an orphan's favorite day?
Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.
Imagine Michael Jackson having kids? Would they come out Black or white or plastic?
Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"
