Clothing jokes
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."