Clothing jokes
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on their broom.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.