I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on their broom.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
