Clothing jokes
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
I ate a sock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"
"Sofishticated."
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
A man walks into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke.
Tides right?
What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?
Fill her closet with see-through clothes.