Church jokes
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What do you call a gay priest? Hahahahahaha!
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
Priests are priests.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.