What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?
because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
