Church

Church jokes

Smell

    • One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

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    • Pastor

    • This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.

    He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

    He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

    An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

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    • Church memes

    Priest

    • I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.

    As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?

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    • Man

    • An old man goes to church.

    One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt, and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand, he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn-out Bible.

    The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed in expensive clothes and accessories.

    As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

    As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship."

    The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

    The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again, he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."

    "I did," replied the old cowboy.

    "If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

    "Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church."

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    • Beer

    • So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

    Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

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    • Orphan

    • Why do orphans like to go to church?

    So they have someone to call father.

    If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

    WiFi

    • Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

    They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

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    • Confessional

    • A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

    And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

    And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

    And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

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