Church jokes
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
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Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
Priest
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."