Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
Priest
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
