Church jokes

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

What's a priest's favorite toy?

A mute little boy.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

What kind of sex do priests love?.

Nun.

Did you hear about the gay choirboy?

He choked on his first hymn.

Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?

Because she was straight into Jesus.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.

What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?

A: They both come in a little behind.

It's important to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

What is a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.

Why do orphans go to church?

To call someone "dad."

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.

"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"

And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.

"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"

And so he did.

Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?

Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.