Church Jokes

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"

Why Demons are dying from Priestwater?The Soul from a Priest is completly diffrent

How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowship in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar

What kind of book does cheese read at a church? The Hole-y Bible.

do you know what an reverse exorcism is? its when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.

If a priest listen to sad music in his church he really enjoys to be deep in minor

Why does a orphan have to go to church, cuz thats the only way he can pray for a father.

Who would win? The laws of the catholic church which have been affective for over 900 years

one horny henry

Confusios Ssay "man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew"

Why is a nun called a nun? Cause they aint supposed to get nun ;)

Three nuns had to go before mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says have you sinned? Yes I have mother I have stolen a bicycle. Okay said mother Superior okay said mother Superior say 100 holy Marys and put dip your hand in the holy water... Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned she slept with a married man.. so mother Superior says okay save 500 hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way the third nun comes up and she says I peed in the holy water 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

Why did the child cross the road? To get to the church. Knock-Knock. Who's there? The Priest... Lets go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.

Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?

He wanted to be able to finger A minor

Like this if you laughed.

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

I made a website for orphans .Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

What did the racist catholic priest say?

Martin Luther not my king.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "on what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

Me: Hey, do you wanna here a joke. Friend: Sure. Me: Why don't churches have WiFi? Friend: Why? Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.