Childhood jokes

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it actually came back.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

Why do orphans suck at baseball?

They can never find home.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

They don't have parents because they left when you were 0.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they don't know where home is.

What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?

Nothing because they can't open the gift.

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

Papa: Johnny, Johnny.

Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Papa: Open wide.

Johnny: HAHAHA.

Papa: *unzips pants*

Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!

"You gotta bleed before you teeth."

- Santa Claus

What’s the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked!

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

What do orphans do after they win a game?

Nothing, they have no one to play games with.

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.