Childhood jokes
What is an orphan's favorite part of school homework?
Q: Why are orphans so successful? A: Because when they were younger, they got told, "Go big or go home," and only had one option.
Why can orphans only watch G-rated movies?
Because they have no parental guidance.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
"Meet the Family."
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.
His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."
What do you call a child version of Batman?
The Raped Crusader.