Childhood jokes
I am Thor.
And next year, I will be five.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
They can never find home.
My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!
What do you call a child version of Batman?
The Raped Crusader.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.
His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
Chuck Norris drove his parents to school.