Childhood jokes
Why do orphans use water for their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
Why do orphans love role-plays?
Because they can call someone "daddy."
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show?
Family Guy.
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually came back.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home plate.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't have a home to go to.
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because he can’t find home.
I'm an orphan, lol.
A game that all orphans hate,
"Who's your Daddy?"
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your Parents."
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."