Child jokes
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
What say the child to the man? Shalom.
Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"
Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"
Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."
Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.
What do you call an orphan?
Kyan.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
We have Build-A-Bear; meanwhile, orphans have Build-A-Mom, or if they’d rather, Build-A-Dad.
Why don't orphan criminals go to jail?
Because they weren't even wanted.
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.
Why was the kid sad?
He was adopted.
Can an orphan child be arrested for vandalism, or will the officers ask for their parents to talk to?
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.
Where do orphans go to celebrate graduation?
Their parents.
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't go home.
How many babies does it take to cover a brick wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it. 😆😂😁
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
Why can't orphans close their video games?
Because they can't find the home button.