Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
