Child jokes
I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
I think
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.
Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.