People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
"Pikachu, I choose you!"
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
