Child jokes
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a child?
Hot Wheels.
Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus.
I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.
What do you call an orphan?
Kyan.
Why don't orphan criminals go to jail?
Because they weren't even wanted.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
What did the drum name its children? Anna 1, Anna 2.
Where do religious kids practice sports?
In the prayground.
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"