Child jokes

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

- Mommy, I want a bicycle!

- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus.

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.

If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.

If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.

Wood fired pizza?

How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O

Please drop a like.

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

My boss had the heart of a child.

In a jar. On his desk.

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?

Mashed potatoes.

What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?

One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a child?

Hot Wheels.

What problems might a blind child run into?

A wall.

Why did the child cross the road?

To get to the church.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.