Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
What was Stephen Hawking's favourite toy as a child?
Hot Wheels
What problems might a blind child run into?
A wall.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.
I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
