Child

Child jokes

Stroke

    • My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

  • 1

    • Missing child

    • Me: Brings in missing child.

    Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.

    Me: Oh, cool.

    NEXT DAY

    Me: Brings in 8 other kids.

    Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 4

    • Baby

    • So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

  • 1
    • Child memes

    Basement

    • What is the difference between preschools and my basement?

    Little kids come out of preschool.

  • 2

    • Story

    • A Story:

    I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

    Sequel follows...

  • 0

    • Name

    • How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.

  • 0

    • Rapist

    • A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

    The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

  • 0

    • Bonfire

    • Parents: Let's have a bonfire.

    Me: Let's go to the orphanage.

    Parents: To bring other children?

    Me: No, to have the fire.

    Parents: Won't they be missed?

    Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.

    Mum

    • Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

    Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

    Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

  • 1