Child jokes
Why can’t an orphan play soccer?
If he can’t find home, he can’t find goal.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They ain't got no home to run to.
Dude, ABC, what comes next?
Kid: A big fat noob.
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
Child: I am hungry.
Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!
Child: *groans* *walks away*
What do you call a baby in the crib?
Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
You can't give an orphan homework.
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Tennis because it's the only love they'll get.
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
I'd tell a child abuse joke, but I forget the punchline.
I'm going to bomb a little child (I'm an USA bomber).
Why can't orphans play softball?
Because they don't know where home base is.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.
The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
What did I eat for breakfast yesterday?
10 year olds.