Child jokes

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

Why don't orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!

Mom: Daddy, stop!

Me: No!

Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"

Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."

Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!

(Obtained by running over 69 children.)

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

What do birds and children have in common?

If you shoot them, they die.

I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.

What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?

The home button.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A. Ask your mother.