Child jokes
Have a sink in your house? Eat it.
Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.
Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.
...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
What's hot and hard?
Me when I look at children.
I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.
What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?
The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because they finally have a home.
Guys stop before I tell my parents!
Me sais yes to mom when she seis wha is 1 plus 1 and me is says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! looooooooooooooooooolllolololololol
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home base.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
What do you call a kid with no home?
A homeless kid.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
How many babies does it take to cover a brick wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it. 😆😂😁
Q. Why can't orphans play baseball?
A. Because they don't know where home is.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
What say the child to the man? Shalom.
Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"
Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"
Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?