Child jokes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their way home.
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.
An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"
The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they have to hit a home run.
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home base.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
Q) Why is Technoblade's body hard?
A) Cuz he was thinking of children on his deathbed!
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3
Child predators: "You're so six-y."