Child jokes

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."

What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?

Kinder

This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of disabled children.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

Why cant asian parents have a white child? Cuz 2 wongs dont make a white

What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?

They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”

When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.