Child Jokes

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"

What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?

Kinder

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of disabled children.

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."

Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.