Child jokes

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

Two pedophiles talking to each other:

"Do you got two fives for one ten?"

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.

What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?

One stays quiet forever...

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.

What's the difference between orphans and cotton?

Cotton gets picked.

I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.

Why do priests appreciate educated children?

They don't spit.

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

They can never make it home.

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What do you do when you see a sad orphan?

Nothing, let them wait for their parents.

What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?

The fish can swim.