I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?
The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What did I eat for breakfast yesterday?
10 year olds.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
