How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Child Jokes
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?
cancer.
Child predators: "You're so six-y."
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
My son.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
