Chance jokes

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?

Time to get in trouble!

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?

Patient: Cancer, why?

Doctor: What are the chances?

Patient: Of what?

Jaylie 😠: I don't care, what he said was so out of line!

Harvey 😁: It's funny!

Jaylie😠 : He said "Stupid, silly bitch face I raised! I should have known!" That's not funny, Harv!

Harvey 🙁: Come on Jay. Give Chris a chance?

Jaylie 🙄: Sorry but I'm a stupid, silly bitch face he raised. He should have known!

Harvey😟: That's not true!

Jaylie 😣: He even made fun of Kalierien. She is so sensitive!

Harvey 😡: SHUSH!!!!

Kalierien😡: Hi guys, how's your day?

Harvey😁: Good!

Jaylie 🤬: Mine was like living in hell!

Kalierien: 🤬SAME!!!!!

Why did the African win the food eating contest?

Beginner's luck.

What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?

They both got a 10% survival rate...

I didn't ask: ❌

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

Why don’t orphans play poker?

'Cause they don’t know what a full house is.

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

Why are orphans bad at Yahtzee?

Because they don't know what a full house is :(

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.

Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?

Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."

What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?

A full house.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.