Chance jokes
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!
Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.
Who's supposed to be the goat?
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
I was rolling dice online and this is the first two I get (again)
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?
They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
If you look at this joke, you are going to meet a Catholic priest tomorrow.
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
Everyone thought I'd have a great year...
14 years just gave me more chances.
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.
Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
Hey anime girl, I hope you know that Jayden is a boy and we got back together.
Hahahaha, you never had a chance, so hahahaha!