Celebrity jokes

I’d make a joke to Fetty Wap on this, but there’s only a 50/50 chance he’ll SEE this.

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

Your hairline is so far back it looks like it's been slapped up by Will Smith.

Your hairline's so ugly it made Michael Jackson lean back.

How do stars die?

Normally, an overdose.

The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Little boys turn them on.

Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.

Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.

Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?

A: Hearing Aids.

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."

What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?

Wet 6-year-old balls.

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?

Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...

Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.

Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.

Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.

Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.