Celebrity jokes
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids turn them on.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
What is Michael Jackson's favorite snack? 5 year old whiners.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.