Celebrity jokes
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."