Celebrity jokes
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
Memes
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.