Celebrity jokes
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids turn them on.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
Why did Michael Jackson allow little boys to sleep in his house? Because he's bad.