I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Why are blind people gay?
Cause.
Why did 1 eat 2?
'Cause he was hungry.
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
Hey, stinks, you know why? 'Cause your butts dry!
What do 9/11 and Covid-19 both have in common?
Asians caused them both!
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
Your mama is so fat. When she went skydiving, it caused a global panic.
Hey girl, are you a diamond pick?
'Cause I'm as hard as obsidian.
Why don't orphans play baseball? Cause they don't know where home is!
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
Why can’t fish play basketball?
'Cause they are scared of the net.
Are you a hotdog stand? 'Cause you make my hotdog stand ;)
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!
Never give up, 'cause never gonna give you up.
Never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna desert you.
