Cause jokes
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
When Stephen Hawking died, I assume his computer crash caused it.
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
Why did the bike fall over?
'Cause it was wheely tired.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
Why is Sally dead? Cause she has no arms.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
Why do y’all call a pickup truck?
'Cause ya got a flat tire.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"