Cat

Cat jokes

Moment

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.

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  • Centimeter

    If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

    Book

    I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

    Accident

    Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

    Comma

    What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

    One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

    Memes

    Liar

    This is how big cats were named.

    "I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

    "Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

    Dog

    We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

    Lion

    I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

    Idiot

    READ THIS OUT LOUD:

    This is this cat.

    This is cat.

    This is how cat.

    This is to cat.

    This is keep cat.

    This is an cat.

    This is idiot cat.

    This is a busy cat.

    This is for cat.

    This is forty cat.

    this is seconds cat.

    NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

    Dog

    If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.

    Email

    On reddit now. u/Long-Cat-4047. Also email is heavenskala1@gmail.com or Gowiththeflow349@gmail.com

    Pork

    Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?

    There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.

    Luck

    You got a black cat.

    He was bad luck.

    Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

    What a CATastrophe!

  • 1
  • Baby

    What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

    The cat is still alive.

    What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

    Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

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  • Baby

    Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

    1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

    2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

    3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

    4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

    5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

    6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

    7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

    8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

    9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

    10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

    Stereotype

    What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?

    Only the taste.