Cat jokes

Does your cat scratch you?

Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.

Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.

What is Puss In Boots' favorite boot brand?

CAT!

I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3

Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!

My friends: Hi to my little friend!

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."

Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.

Hello ppls, I'm lilkitten ig.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?

"To be and not to be."

Landing on its feet won't help a cat in China...

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

You are so cat.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

Times have been so tough lately, I have had to jerk off the dog just to feed the cat.

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一.

Spread the cat gun.