Cat Jokes

Bigyin

Anyone who says they dont like cats, has never had one cooked right…

Difference
in Difference

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog A cat has 9 lives and a frog croaks every day

Ketchup

Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?

A: He gave her a ring.

Q: What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?

A: Knead for Speed.

Q: Why is Santa good at karate?

A: He has a black belt.

Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?

A: Beast Buy.

Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?

A: Let’s stick together.

Q: Why did the turkey join a band?

A: So he could use his drumsticks.

Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?

A: Figure skating.

Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?

A: Beast Buy.

Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?

A: Let’s stick together.

Q: Why did the turkey join a band?

A: So he could use his drumsticks.

Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?

A: Figure skating.

Q: What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?

A: The glitterbug.

Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?

A: Because they always make-up

via GIPHY

Q: Where do roses sleep at night?

A: In their flowerbed

Q: Why was the show bad at gymnastics?

A: She was a flip-flop

Q: What should you wear to a tea party?

A: A t-shirt

Q: What’s rain’s favorite accessory?

A: A rainbow

Q: Where does a sink go dancing?

A: The Dish-co

Q: What’s a princess’s favorite time?

A: Knight time.

Q: Why did the Genie get mad?

A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.

Q: What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?

A: A bun.

Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?

A: Hip hop.

Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?

A: Shop ‘til they hop.

via GIPHY

Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?

A: She nailed it.

Q: What is corn’s favorite music?

A: Pop.

Q: Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?

A: It’s a weak day.

Q: Why was the politician out of breath?

A: He was running for office.

Q: What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?

A: Goooooooooooold!

Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?

A: He was a cheetah.

Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?

A: Pennsylvania.

Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?

A: Inside.

Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?

A: He forgot his lawsuit.

Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?

A: He crashed the computer

via GIPHY

Q: What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?

A: An eyeball.

Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?

A: Shells.

Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?

A: In the fall.

Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?

A: Because he knew he would pass.

Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?

A: Because it was flat.

Q: Why didn’t the farmer’s son study medicine?

A: Because he wanted to go into a different field?

Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?

A: Pi

Q: Why was the princess in the emergency r

Funny Joke Boy

I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say… THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!

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Anonymous11

there’s a kid with loads of new fire men equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kids asks the firemen come have a look at my new gear so the fire men go look at his gear so then the kid says kid: I’ve got a helmet a big jacket and a oxygen tank and a little wheel barrow for my gear

firemen says: why is there a rope tied around a cat’s balls the kid says so I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Crazy Cat Lady
in Democrat

My Cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my Cat is a Democrat!

Brandon Rogers

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he’s seen your cat

4
Gwen
in Puns

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

Cuz it’s a car-PET.

Gwen
in Puns

What would be a pets favorite thing to click on on this website?

Cat-egories.

Get it?

Anonymous

what did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?

meooooow

in Little Johnny

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, “What you got there little Johnny?” “This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world.”, says Johnny. The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny and says, “Now you know that’s not true son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman’s stomach and the next morning she’ll pass a baby boy.” Little Johnny says, “Well that may be true. But one drop of this on a cats ass and he’ll pass a motorcycle!”

not you
in Animal

there are 5 cats on a boat and 1 jumps off. how many are left?- 0 they were copy cats

Anonymous
in Breakfast

WHAT DO CATS EAT FOR BREAKFAST???

MICE KRISPIES

Sans
in Puns

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then your hard boiled, that’s all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sht was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be KITTEN me.” Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He BNED her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

cat

whats the difference between a cat and a bannana, its hard to peel a cat

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Ms. Anonymous eggs
in Egg

What do you call peg and cat from peg + cat? Egg + splat. Eggy joke for all too enjoy

joker99
in China

Why aren’t there any stray cats in china town?

There are but they’re they’re just listed as “pork” on the menus

Today i find out that my cat got hit by a car accident, wellp i guess im gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again, Its not like anyone will notice.

Anonymous

what has two legs and is red all over?

half a cat

1
no

two lesbians adopted a cat that night the cat ran away why ?

because it heard one say i’m gonna eat that pussy

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