Cat jokes
Your mama's so crazy, she thought Mike Tyson had some boots and cats up his sleeve.
What is a cat's favorite Queen song... Don't stop meow.
What sound do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
Meow.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
What would you call a cat royal’s descendants?
A feline.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
What animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.
What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Now their owner is dying.
HAHAHAHA
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.