Car Jokes

Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!

Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?

how do you know youre following a dolorean? the white line disappears

Can you drive a pizza? Of course as long as you change the olive oil.

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So I crashed the car.

If your drive a Lamborghini, than you have a tiny whennie

When they say you live by the sword you die by the sword, not in Paul Walkers case he lived by the car died by a tree well I guess the car was stumped

When your going 80KM in a school zone and one of the speed bumps scream.

If you run next to a car you get TIRED, but if you run behind it you get EXHAUSTED

Ill be here all week.... sadly enough for you.

I decided that il end it all but when i drove off i remembered i forgot to do the dishes.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? DOE!

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.

What the difference between a lambo and 200 children in my basement, one screams the children don’t

Today i find out that my cat got hit by a car accident, wellp i guess im gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again, Its not like anyone will notice.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.