I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had I said “yes”
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of jeff bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you and the mcdonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
My bumper sticker says:👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? yeah, he was tired.
Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the clutch
What's worse than locking your keyes in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
What's world hunger and a Mercedes got in common? Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife? Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car
A: A suicide bomber
I love ❤️ taking my daughter out in the car 🚙 every time we go over a speed bump I tell her we ran over another dog 🐕😂
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind? The steering wheel.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whos fault was it? The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
What color is your bugati
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately it was light beer.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap? Wrapped around that tree.
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford? Because it said, Focus
what did dom toerreto say about the tree paul walker hit famly strong but not that strong
I just come across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues
Did you know Paul walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his head and shoulders on the dashboard.
