Car jokes
What type of car did Hitler drive? A gas-guzzler.
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."