Car jokes
I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.
What type of car did Hitler drive? A gas-guzzler.
The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. đ„
Memes
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says heâs drinking a magical drink. He asks, âWhatâs so magical about it?â The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, âYâknow, youâre a real jerk when youâre drunk, Superman.â
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
If you drink, donât drive. People cause accidents.
If you drink, donât park. Accidents cause people.