Cant jokes

Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"

Me: "They are Parental Guidance."

Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

What kind of bee can't fly?

A KOBE.

Skeletons can't play church music, obviously. They got no organs.

Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?

A) Robert Drowney Jr.

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

Why can't Asians make a white baby?

Cause two wongs don't make a white.

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

I cum (Can't understand math).

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

Why can't orphans have a five-star GTA because they're not wanted?

What's yellow and can't swim?

A dead goldfish.

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.